It’s funny, really…
Maybe you should listen to this while you read, because it’s the soundtrack:
So, yea, I just had a crazy dream. Those of you that talk to me often know that it’s not uncommon to hear me start a lot of conversations of this way. The details of what happened in the dream really aren’t relevant to anything. There was a trip to an amusement park that had a buncha Star Wars stuff (…go figure…). I return “home” but stay with some friends; a married couple whom I haven’t really seen in a number of years, nor ever stayed in their home. The details of the events taking place, honestly, are completely irrelevant to anyone else but me. Not because they’re not interesting, but just because no matter how great of detail I go into about them, the emotional experience will not translate. Hell, I even gave you the song that was playing through the whole thing…
…the fact of the matter is that it’s 3:Something in the morning, and the hyper-vivid dream I just had woke me up to a feeling of complete isolation. Not from people, because I have plenty of friends, but from the ability to share any of the nonsense I feel with any other soul.
Sure, maybe trying to articulate it here, in relatively public fashion, is an attempt to pull that off, but it’s really for not. Lamenting your internal workings to the internet is a lot like screaming into your pillow and being angry at your neighbors for not hearing you do it.
The truth is that I’ve become completely cynical and I wasn’t supposed to become this way. I’m sure there’s some document about the stages of life, and how your dreams are so big when you’re little, then slowly become unattainable, then you become a bitter old git that others only complain about how they drive their cars and the care they require to survive.
I used to have the same delusions of grandeur as any other kid. Mine involved writing songs that would make me the center of the universe and have the entirety of the world hang on my every word…but no one’s ever done that. Ever. Even the greatest people that’ve ever lived had more detractors than followers.
No matter what good news you have; Most people won’t listen. Not necessarily in a malicious fashion, but there’re just a lot of other things to listen to. Others will find a flaw in the news to satisfy themselves or protect other people that may believe you from what they see as something poisonous. A great number just won’t understand and will end up with the non-listeners…there’s also a rumor that sometimes the things you have to say are completely understood by someone else…
…and I’m not even trying to say anything profound at the moment. I just feel completely unable to properly communicate this vague emotion that’s got me typing nonsense on a blog in the middle of the night.
So…enjoy the song I’ve shared. It was shared with me the other day, and here I am, 2 days later…awake when I should be sleeping…remembering a time when I was excited about the future and the people I’ll meet and the places I’ll go and the battles I’ll fight and the women I’ll kiss and the lives I’ll save and completely forgetting that it requires a second party to “share” something when all I’ve done is start a bunch of sentences with “I”…
I’m grateful that all the things I love were at one time shared with me by someone else…maybe that’s all I’m really trying to say.
